Things About Hostels, Part Deux.

Last night I went looking for live music. I had a guidebook, written by Americans, dividing each Osloeian venue into mainstream, semi-alternative and alternative. I figured semi-alternative was the way to go, and walked up to Grunerlokken to try two venues. One was, so the sign on the front said, closed for the summer, reopening in August. The other was empty and had no front signage. Walking back into town, the only other venue I found was full of black-clad schoolkids drinking beer. By 11pm, I figured it was better to return to my room to finish reading Haruki Murakami's Norweigan Wood.

By 12.30am, my only roommate had been picked up by a friend so as to go back to his home village, and I was left to sleep alone. This delighted me so very, very much. Except at 3am, when I heard a swift, subtle shuffle through the door, and some hurried words of Norweigan. I asked my new visitor to translate. 'Would you mind if I opened the window?', he asked. Yes, I thought. The street noise is unbearable. Not wanting to put up a fight, I muttered 'go ahead', and went straight back to sleep.

This lasted another two hours, before a cacophonic crash cramped my slumber. In came a tall, handsome blonde guy, propped up by the surrounding walls, shouting in Norweigan. 'I only speak English,' I replied.

'Which bed is bed four?' he asked.

'That one,' I pointed.

'I think I'll take this one,' he announced, taking bed one. Then he asked politely, 'did I wake you up?'

'It's five in the morning, so yes you did,' I responded casually.

'Oh. I was in the park fucking a girl, and now I need a shower.'

With that, he washed his face, climbed to the bunk above me, and went to sleep. Even his mobile's discrete message tone (a beep, followed by an American accented 'motherfucker') wouldn't wake him. I arose at 7am, showered, breakfasted and packed up my things, without so much as a shuffle from either of my associates. Next to my wallet I saw the motherfucker's ID card, identifying him as an employee of the Ministry of Defence.

I caught a train to Stockholm, where have just arrived, and I must now go and find my hostel.